Sometimes life seems like one long string of things to be anxious about. Just when I think life is going as it should, something else reveals itself. Many of these things don't matter in the long run, but some of them do and I often wish I could have just one week, one day when I would know that there wasn't something really important I forgot to do; that everything was in place on my end.
I don't wish that I would never have problems (well, I do wish that, but who doesn't?), I'd just like to approach situations knowing that, as far as it depended on me, I'd done what I was supposed to do. I'd like to be a victim for once instead of a delinquent. ...But most of the time, problems are my own fault and that's what really gets me down. The ones that aren't my fault...well, they might be tough, but they don't sting.
The difficulty is that there always seems to be something I could have done differently that would have made the situation better...or kept it from snowballing. Sigh. Lately, it seems I have to be constantly admitting some short-coming or other to someone else - my head hung low, plate ready to receive an ample, well-deserved helping of humble pie. I think my pie plate is starting to chip from overuse.
Well, "For what do we live but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn"...except I'm not finding that life is very funny after all. Maybe that's why we're not supposed to waste it on trying to be happy here - there's too much at stake. I may as well give up and surrender to being poured out for God's purpose. My sin might harass and haunt me to my grave, but maybe, by giving up my rights to any self-dignity I ever had, I'll get to hear "well done" when I reach it.
So...bring on the pie, I guess.
festive.It's like a privatish sort of oasis if you pretend that the beltway noise is the ocean and that the truck horns are coming from passing ships.
